Being “over the hill” doesn’t mean your sex life is over, too!
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As you enter your golden years, you may feel yourself slowing down: shuffling the feet a little more, taking a few more naps, chatting leisurely about the good old days. And when it comes to your sex life, well…maybe there’s a reason we don’t see a lot of older folks getting it on in Hollywood movies. That time has passed, right?
Wrong!
There is absolutely no reason you and your partner shouldn’t continue to have great sex into your 50s, 60s, 70s, and even beyond! Your bodies may have changed a bit over the years, but that doesn’t mean you’re banned from entering the “mile-high club!” Here are some things to keep in mind when doin’ the do on the other side of middle age.
Getting It Up May Have You Feeling Down
Gents at this age in particular tend to worry about getting and maintaining an erection—thus the incredible popularity of Viagra and similar medications. But before you reach for the purple pill, consider this: mood and state of mind can have a big impact on your body, restricting the arteries that carry blood to the penis. And it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy—you’re anxious about your performance, which affects your body, which affects your performance.
“Here’s my advice to older men with balky erections,” says sex therapist Dr. Marty Klein. “Relax, breathe deeply, ask for the kind of touch that excites you—and instead of mourning what you’ve lost, focus on the pleasure you can still enjoy.”
And if you really do have erectile dysfunction? There are many possible treatments, but here’s another thought: “Men don’t need erections to have orgasms,” notes Dr. Ken Haslam, who teaches workshops on sex and aging. “I’m 76, and I’ve had wonderful orgasms without erections, thanks to manual stimulation or oral sex.”
Making It Rain
A study from the University of Chicago showed that about one-third of men aged 18 to 49 complain of climaxing too soon at least once a year. And while premature ejaculation might seem like it should be more common amongst young, eager men, it can also return (or arrive for the first time) in men over 50.
Let’s look at this problem as a mind game. Anxiety about performance can easily lead to premature ejaculation, no matter your age. Whether it’s pressure from society at large or from your partner specifically, it can feel like a lot is riding on your plumbing and how well (or poorly) it works. The trick for older sufferers of PE is to remember there’s more to sex than just the ins and outs. Setting a romantic scene and embracing leisurely, playful, and whole-body touching can make the experience more pleasant—and keep the anxiety at bay.
Practice Makes Perfect
Our bodies change year after year, and so do our relationships. It’s important to check in with your partner regularly. Are you experiencing life stressors that are making your time in the sheets less enjoyable? Are you both keeping your bodies healthy—eating fruits and veggies, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep? Is it time to try something new in the bedroom? Communication is the key—as is getting in a lot of practice so you both know what makes the experience great for everyone involved.
In the end, don’t forget–if you think your health is in danger, see a professional to get the help and peace of mind you need. People are often shy about chatting with their healthcare provider about their sex lives, but seriously, who better than your doctor to make sure everything’s working as it should?
There’s no need to miss out on intimate moments just because you’ve got a bit of gray in your hair! Keep yourself healthy and in-the-know about what to expect at various milestones in your life, and you’ll keep rocking that boudoir for years to come!